In life, there are moments when everything feels like it's spiraling out of control. Whether it's a difficult situation at work, a personal crisis, or even an unexpected challenge, one of the most powerful ways to regain your equilibrium is to focus on what you can control. It's a simple but transformative mindset—embracing the idea that, while we cannot control everything, we can always control our actions and responses. And when we do so, it builds resilience, the strength to weather life's inevitable storms and emerge stronger.
Many years ago, I found myself in a situation where I could have easily let external pressures derail everything I was working towards. It was the type of challenge that could shake anyone's confidence—an unexpected petition for my termination from my role as CEO of a national organization that I had dedicated nearly ten years to leading. The petition, which had been circulated by a group of members who felt the organization wasn't addressing the issues they considered most important, had the potential to distract me and my team from the critical work at hand. It was especially difficult because this was happening at a national conference that my team and I had spent years planning.
For context, this was a member-driven association, and I reported to an elected board of directors. The petition didn't come from the board, but from a small group of members who felt the organization was not aligning with their priorities. The timing was especially challenging because it was being circulated during our annual conference, an event that spanned four days and involved months, even years, of preparation. On top of that, the conference was extremely stressful for the team—18 to 20 hour days were the norm, and this year was no different. The weight of everything rested on my shoulders, and that of my team.
When the petition came to my attention in the middle of the conference, it felt like a punch in the gut. My first reaction was one of shock. I felt betrayed, especially since it was coming from a small group of people, many of whom didn’t have a complete understanding of the broader strategic goals the organization was working toward. I was deeply upset. However, after taking a moment to process the situation, I realized something important: I had a choice. I could either let this petition derail everything—my focus, my team’s morale, and the event itself—or I could focus on what I could control.
I chose the latter.
Focus on What You Can Control
We often hear the phrase, "Focus on what you can control," but it can be difficult to put into practice, especially when external forces are acting on us. It’s easy to get distracted by things beyond our control—whether it’s the actions of others, unexpected crises, or situations that seem unfair. But one of the most powerful tools for building resilience is the ability to redirect your focus back to what you can do something about.
In my situation, I couldn’t control the petition. I couldn’t stop it, and I couldn’t make people agree with the decisions the board and I had made. But what I could control was how I responded to it and how I led my team during the conference. I could focus on delivering an outstanding event for the attendees—the vast majority of whom had no involvement in the petition and were simply there to learn, network, and grow.
I chose to keep my team focused on the job at hand: delivering a conference that exceeded expectations. The success of the event didn’t just lie in the logistics of executing the sessions, speakers, and workshops, but also in keeping the energy high and the morale strong, despite the distractions. Every decision we made, every problem we solved, was centered on making sure the event remained a success for those who were there, not on the noise coming from a small group of petitioners.
The outcome? We ran the conference smoothly, and it was one of the most successful we had ever hosted. Despite the tension and challenges behind the scenes, the event was a huge success, drawing positive feedback from attendees and stakeholders alike.
Building Resilience
Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It’s about navigating challenges with grace and determination, without letting external pressures overwhelm us. But resilience doesn’t just come from surviving tough situations—it’s built in the way we respond to them.
One of the key elements of resilience is adaptability. Life is unpredictable, and while we can’t always anticipate what’s coming our way, we can control how we adapt to those challenges. In my case, the petition was an unexpected challenge. Instead of letting it overshadow everything I had worked for, I adapted by focusing on the things I could control. This allowed me to continue leading with confidence and ensuring that my team stayed focused on the task at hand.
Another crucial component of resilience is maintaining a positive mindset. It's natural to feel anger, frustration, or sadness when faced with adversity. But resilience is about how we manage those emotions. While I was understandably upset by the petition and felt betrayed, I chose not to let those emotions take over. Instead, I channeled them into motivating myself and my team to rise above the challenge. Maintaining a positive mindset helped me stay grounded and make decisions based on what was best for the organization in the long run, not based on momentary emotions.
The Importance of Perspective
A big part of resilience is the ability to gain perspective. In tough times, it’s easy to get lost in the storm, but sometimes all it takes is stepping back and looking at the bigger picture to see the situation in a new light. For me, the petition represented a small but vocal group of members with specific priorities that didn’t align with the broader goals of the organization. While it was uncomfortable and disappointing, I had to remind myself that this was just one moment in time—and not a reflection of the entirety of my work, or the organization’s work.
It also helped to recognize that the petition was a result of misalignment between some members and the organization’s leadership. But the board of directors was ultimately responsible for the strategic direction of the organization. Once the conference ended and the dust settled, the board took the time to reach out to the petitioners to better understand their concerns. In the end, they determined that the requested actions of the petitioners were inappropriate given the fact that the policy and strategy was ultimately set by them and mostly out of my control, and the issue was resolved.
While the petition didn’t impact the conference’s success, it did provide an opportunity for reflection and growth. It reinforced the importance of staying true to your vision, while also being open to feedback and recognizing that not everyone will be aligned with your approach. As a leader, this is an essential part of resilience—learning from the tough moments, using them to grow, and moving forward with renewed clarity.
Controlling what you can control is more than just a strategy for surviving tough times—it’s a mindset that allows you to thrive in the face of adversity. When you focus on your actions, your responses, and the things you can influence, you build resilience. Resilience is not just about bouncing back from setbacks; it’s about growing stronger through them.
In my experience, the choice to focus on the things I could control—my actions, my leadership, and my team's efforts—allowed me to move through a difficult situation with purpose and determination. The outcome wasn’t just a successful conference, but a reminder that resilience comes from within. It’s about controlling what you can, letting go of what you can’t, and learning from every challenge that comes your way.
So, the next time you find yourself facing a challenge, remember this: You may not be able to control everything, but you can control how you respond. And in that, you’ll find the strength to navigate any storm.
To learn more about me and find more articles on relevant topics, please check out my website — BeIndispensable.com